Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
