and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
