also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
