Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
