she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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