I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
