I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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