i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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