You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
