Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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