dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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