Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
