Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
