yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
