She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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