wat bout pragnant strippers??
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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