Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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