it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
