Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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