Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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