for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
