I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
