those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
