do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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