I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
