i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
