My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We left the knife in your bed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
