R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Porn is love you can see.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We are two peas in an std pod
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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