11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
