U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Drunk is not a location!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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