OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
