My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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