What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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