community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
