I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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