McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
