You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
