were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
