....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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