we have pet lesbian snakes
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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