look no pants
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
