just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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