my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
