i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
