His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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