feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
