my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
