You made me cry and you don't even care
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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