Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
