They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
